Friends Cartoon Remix
by ObsessionGroup
Summary: This is the show 'Friends', but with a twist. Their younger, the characters are from animescartoons and selfinsertions of the authors, and then scripts have been altered slightly. Disclaimer inside.
1. The Pilot

**Author's Notes: **Howdy! This is the anime/self-insertion Friends fic! The scripts are sort of altered, changed into story-version, and made a little more PG-like, although not much. Hope ya like it. Also, I'm the one who starts the story out. We each switch off on scenes, so when you see the bold letters, we're changing writers. I write the first scene, Marissa writes the next, etc.

**Disclaimer:** We do NOT own Friends or any of the cartoon/anime characters featured in this fic! We also do not own the screenplays of Friends, although we do own Marissa and Cait Lin!

**Characters:**

Monica - Cait Lin (my self-insertion)

Ross - Joe (AKA 009 from Cyborg009)

Rachel - Marissa (My co-writer's self insertion)

Joey - Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing)

Phoebe - Irma (W.I.T.C.H.)

Chandler - InuYasha (InuYasha, duh)

**Extra Characters from Episode One:**

Paul the Wine Guy - Tolle the Soda Pop Guy (Gundam SEED)

Barry - Josh (Just some random dude)

**Our Profiles:** (So ya know a little more bout our self-insertions)

Name: Cait Lin  
Age: 14  
Look: Mid-back length sometimes straight, sometimes wavy dark brown hair with a different highlight at the tips each week. Green/blue eyes.  
Personality: obsessive-compulsive(she needs to be after all, to be Monica's character), outgoing, doesn't mind telling how she feels, and is always there for her friends.

Name: Marissa

Age: 14

Hair:Black in a pixie (nothing like Rachel's but still)  
Eyes: Hazel

**Friends Anime:**

**By: Cait Lin and Marissa**

_SEASON ONE_

**Episode One:** The Pilot

Cait Lin sat on the couch with her friends Duo, InuYasha, and Irma, at the lounge.. "You guys, it is no big deal! He's just some boy I'm partners with in Science!" She exclaimed, putting her hot chocolate down.

"Oh please! Of course you go out with the guy! There has got to be something wrong with him." Duo answered, crossing his arms.

"Does he eat chalk?"

Everyone stared at Irma, as she just shrugged and drank her hot chocolate.

"I just don't want her to go through what I went with Martin, oh." Irma answered.

"Everyone, take a chill pill! You can't even call it a date. We're just having dinner, and not going to make out." Cait Lin answered. Her hair was dyed purple at the tips, and her eyes were more green than blue.

"Sounds like a date to me," InuYasha said.

**(Same scene)**

"Okay.So I'm back at elementary school and I realise I'm wearing a geeky tie and outfit."Inuyasha said.

"Oh yeah.Had that dream!" everyone said,nodding.

"I look in the mirror and I see a zipper under my nose."

"Instead of your mouth?" asked Duo.

"That's right."

"Never had that dream."

"Nope!" said Irma.

"All of a sudden my ex-girlfriend,Kikyo who is blind starts calling me,which is weird because she never yelled for me after we broke up!"

**(Same scene, little later.)**

Joe walked in, with a pale expression on his face. "Hi," He says, with a tone of mortification.

"That's weird. When he says hello, I feel like killing myself." Duo said jokingly.

"What's up, bro?" Cait Lin asked, cocking her head.

Joe answered, "I feel like a arrow pierced through my heart, it came back through my back, and it jammed me right in the mouth..."

"Muffin?" InuYasha said.

"Francoise moved her stuff out today to go to another dorm," Cait Lin explained to the others. "Let me get you some coffee, Joe." She said, turning to her brother.

"Oh!" Irma exclaimed, as she immediately started picking at the air around Joe.

"No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura! It's fine. Really, I'm okay. I hope she'll be very happy." Joe said, nodding his head.

"Yeah, right." Cait Lin said sarcastically.

"No, I don't. I don't care about her!" Joe said.

"And you never knew she was a lesbian..."

"No! Why does everyone keep fixating on that!"

"Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian..." InuYasha looked at everyone, who were in turn staring at him. "Did I say that out loud?"

"I told mom and dad last night. They seemed to take it pretty well." Joe said.

"Oh really. So that phone call I got at 3:00 A.M. with a woman sobbing about her son never getting married and having kids was what, a wrong number?" Cait Lin asked.

"Heh, sorry."

"Okay, Joe, look. You're hurting and in pain now. You wanna know what the answer is?" Duo asked. Joe looked at him. "Club! You're single, meet some other girls!"

"I don't want to be single! I just want to have a girlfriend again!" Joe exclaimed. Suddenly, a girl walked into the lounge towards them.

"And I just want a million dollars!" InuYasha said, reaching out his hand.

"Marissa!" Cait Lin exclaimed.

"Hi Cait Lin! I went to your dorm to see if you were there, but you weren't, and then everyone said you were at the lounge, and here you are!" Marissa said.

"Anyone want some hot chocolate?" Asked one of the students.

"Not too much," Cait Lin said, gesturing to Marissa. She then turned to the group. "Okay, guys, this is Marissa. We went to elementary school together. And Marissa, this is Duo, Irma, InuYasha, and you remember my brother, Joe?"

"Yup, hi!" Marissa said.

"Hi," Joe said with no meaning what-so-ever.

Marissa reached forward to hug him, but suddenly Joe's umbrella popped out. He just sat there, shaking his head. There was a moment of silence, since everyone expected her to explain.

"So are you going to tell us?" Cait Lin asked finally.

"Okay, well... Let's see. Me and Josh were going to keep being together even though I was going to start this boarding school, which is why I'm here, but then I realized he wasn't the guy for me as I was packing to leave. Then I realized I was more turned on by a banana then him! Seriously, he looks like that one dancing banana. So, I just left the city without saying goodbye to him." Marissa explained. She turned to Cait Lin. "And since you went here, I thought I should come to you."

"Who you didn't talk to in at least 2 years." Cait Lin answered.

"Well, I'm kind of hoping that won't be a problem..." Marissa said.

**((Cait Lin's Dorm,everyone's there and watching tv))**

"Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big opal ring,and she's really not happy about it."said Cait Lin,watching Marissa on the phone.

"Pop, I just... I can't date him! I'm sorry.I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!" Marissa yelled into the phone.

"Ooh, she should not be wearing those shoes." said Inuyasha, watching a novella

"I say push her down the stairs." said Duo.

"Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! " Joe,Inuyasha,Irma and Duo chanted.When the person was pushed down the stairs,they cheered.

"C'mon Pop, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me,  
'You're a demon! You're a demon, you're a demon, you're a demon!'.  
And today I just stopped and I said,'What if I don't wanna be a demon?  
What if I wanna be a- a witch, y'know? Or a- or a book! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a book, I'm saying I am a bo- It's a metaphor,Pop!"Marissa growled,cursing that her father could be so dense.

"You can see where he'd have trouble." Joe commented.

"Look Pop, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Cait Lin instead of at that all-girls boarding school!" Marissa declared. 

"Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Cait Lin..."Cait Lin said,sweatdropping at Marissa declaration

"Well, maybe that's my decision. Maybe I don't want to continue your organization with some rich mama's boy! Wait I said maybe." Marissa smacked herself in the head for her stupidity.

**(Cut to same set.)**

Marissa breathed heavily into a paper bag. "Just breathe. That's it. Try to think of calm things."

Irma decided to lighten things by singing, "Raindrops on roses, and rabbits and kittens," Cait Lin and Marissa turned to look at her. "Bluebells and sleighbells, and . . . something with mittens. La la la. . . something with noodles and string. These are a few..."

"I'm all better now." Marissa said.

Irma grinned and walked to the kitchen where Duo and InuYasha were. "I helped!" She said happily to them.

"Okay, this is probably for the best, Marissa. Y'know? Independence. You have the freedom to control your life now. You know, the whole 'book' thing." Cait Lin said.

Duo went to sit beside her. "And hey, if you need anything, you can always come to Duo. Me and InuYasha live across the hall. And he's away a lot."

"Duo! Stop hitting on her! She just got out of a relationship!" Cait Lin exclaimed.

"There's a rule against that?" Duo asked.

The doorbell suddenly rang, and InuYasha jumped up to go get it. "Please don't do that again. It really is annoying." He said.

"It's, uh, Tolle." Tolle said over the intercom.

"Oh my gosh, is it 6:30 already! Buzz him in!" Cait Lin said, jumping over the couch to go to the door.

"Who's Tolle?" Duo asked.

"Tolle the Soda Pop guy, Tolle?" Joe asked.

"Maybe."

"Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Tolle the Soda Pop guy?" Duo asked.

"He finally asked you out?" Joe asked.

"Yes!" answered Cait Lin.

"Ooh, Dear Journal moment!" InuYasha said.

"Mars, wait, I can cancel..." Cait Lin said, looking at her old best friend.

"No, please, go! I'll be fine!" Marissa said, smiling.

Cait Lin then turned to Joe. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stay?"

Joe said, in a choked voice, "That'd be good..."

Cait Lin looked horrified. "Really?" She exclaimed.

"No, go on!" Joe said in a normal voice. "It's Tolle the Soda Pop guy!"

"What does that mean anyway?" Irma asked. "Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain alot?"

There was a knock on the door. Cait Lin went to go get it. It was Tolle. "Hi, c'mon it! Tolle, this is..." She trailed off, seeing everyone lined up at the door. "Everybody. Everybody, this is Tolle."

"Hi, Tolle! The Soda Pop Guy! Hey! Yo!" Everyone exclaimed at once.

"Sorry, but I didn't catch your name. Tolle, right?" InuYasha asked.

"Okay, um. . . I'll be right back. . . I just got to go . . . ah..." Cait Lin thought a while.

"Wandering?" Joe said.

"Change! Okay, sit down." Cait Lin showed Tolle in. "Two seconds," she said.

"Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good." Irma said, being random.

As Cait Lin went to go change, Duo said, "Hey Tolle!"

"Yeah?"

"Here's a small tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck over and over again until it starts to get a little red." Duo said.

"Shut up, Duo!" Cait Lin yelled from the bathroom.

"So, Marissa. What are you, what are you up to tonight?" Joe asked.

"Well, I was going to be having a goodbye dinner with Joshy-boy and my parents, so nothing." Marissa answered.

"Right. You're not even getting the dinner... Although, dinner, at night.. it's uh..." Joe thought a while. "Well, dinner used to mean lunch in the 1800's... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Duo and InuYasha are coming over to help me get my new furniture together."

InuYasha said, in a dead no-tone voice, "Yes, it's going to be so exciting."

"Thanks for asking, but I think I'm just going to hang out here tonight. I've been through a lot lately." Marissa answered.

"Okay, sure." Joe said.

"Hey Irmsi, you wanna help?" Duo asked.

"Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to." Irma answered.

**(AD BREAK)**

((SCENE 3: Joe's dorm (THE GUYS ARE ASSEMBLING FURNITURE)"

" I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs."sain Joe,squatting and reading the directions

Duo and Inuyasha had seemed to finish a bookcase, except there was a little left over.

"What's this?"asked Duo,scratching his head.

"I have no idea."Inuyasha answered.

Duo looked over his shoulder and put the extra pieces into a hamper

"Done with the bookcase!" he declared.

"All finished!" Inuyasha cheered.

"This was Francoise's favorite soda. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known."

"Joe, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?" asked Duo.

"You guys."Joe said.

"Oh,brother." Inuyasha groaned.

"You got jacked."said Duo.

**(Cut to Cait Lin and Tolle eating dinner in a Resturant.)**

"Oh my gosh!" Cait Lin exclaimed.

"I know, I am such a idiot. I should have caught on when she went to go study at the library every day." Tolle answered.

"My brother's going through that right now. He's such a mess. How did you get through it?" Cait Lin asked.

"Well, you could always break something valuable of hers. Like her--"

"Leg?" Cait Lin said.

Tolle laughed. "That's one way. But I went for the CD Player."

"You broke her CD Player?" Cait Lin exclaimed. "Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I broke my boyfriend's favorite toothbrush."

"Ooh, steer clear of you." Tolle joked.

"That's right," Cait Lin laughed.

**(cut to Marissa in Cait Lin's dorm)**

"Josh, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about  
you putting your hands in my shirt while making out, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- yes Mrs.McGallahan he has done that,yes I stopped him,but-lemme finish.Aw darn it!"Marissa said as Josh's mother hung up on her.

**(Cut to Joe's dorm.)**

"I just got out of a very long term relationship! I'm only 16 and I already got out of a long-term relationship!" Joe exclaimed, pacing, while Duo and InuYasha continued to assemble furniture.

"Shut up!" Duo exclaimed.

"You must stop!" InuYasha said, as he hit what he was working on with a hammer and it fell apart.

"That only took me an hour." Joe said.

"Look, Joe, you got to understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that lasted longer than a Mento. **You**, however, has had the love of a woman for 4 years. Four years of closeness and sharing of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!" InuYasha said.

"You know what's scary?" Joe said. "What if there's only one girl for everybody, y'know? I mean, what if you get one girl, and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one girl, for her."

"What are you talking about?" Duo exclaimed. "'One Woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of soda for you. Lemme tell you something, Joe. There's lots of kinds out there. There's orange, grape, coke, pepsi, vanilla, and much more! You can have them with sugar, and extra flavor, or diet! This is the most awesome thing that ever happened to you! You got committed when you were what, five? Welcome back to life! Grab a can!"

"I honestly don't know if I'm thirsty or hormonal." Joe answered after Duo was done with his speech.

"Stay out of my fridge!" InuYasha exclaimed.

**(Cut to the Restauraunt))**

"Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh..." Tolle stuttered.

"What?... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?"Cait Lin asked.

"No, it's, it's more of a third date kinda revelation." Tolle said.

"Oh, so there's gonna be a third date?"

"Isn't there?"

"Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?" Cait Lin said,flustered.

"Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform...relationship-wise."Tolle stuttered.

"Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry..."Cait Lin had spit out her drink in shock

"It's okay..." Tolle sighed.

"Being spit on is probably not what you need right now.Um... how long?"Cait Lin asked

"Two months." said Tolle.

"Wow! I'm glad you smashed her CD player!"

"So you still think you, um... might want that third date?"

Cait Lin paused "...Yeah. Yeah, I do."

**(Cut to Marissa watching 'Boy Meets World')**

Marissa sat on the couch in their dorm watching 'Boy Meets World'.

"I, Topanga, take you, Cory, to be my lawful husband." said Topanga.

"Do you take..." The priest-dude started.

"Oh... see... but Topanga loved Cory! That's the difference!" Marissa exclaimed.

**(CUT To Joe's)**

"Grab a can. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a can? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you? Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? "Joe said scornfully.

Marissa looked out her window at the same time.

**(COMMERCIAL BREAK)  
(Scene 4)  
**  
In Marissa and Cait Lin's dorm, Marissa made hot chocolate for InuYasha and Duo. "Isn't it amazing?" She said. "I have never made hot chocolate before."

"Very amazing," said InuYasha.

"And, y'know I figure, if I can make hot chocolate, there isn't anything I can't do." Marissa said.

"If I can invade Sweden, there isn't anything I can't do." InuYasha said.

"Awesome. And while your on the roll, maybe you could make some waffles," Duo agreed. They both took sips of the hot chocolate, grimaced, and when Marissa wasn't looking, poured it into the sink. "Actually, I'm not really that hungry anymore . . ."

Cait Lin came out of her room with silk purple pajama pants and a fleece long-sleeved purple shirt on. Her hair was tied in braids. "Oh good, Cory and Shawn are here." she mumbled to herself.

"Morning," They all said.

Suddenly Tolle came out of the room. "Morning."

"Morning, Tolle."

"Hi, Tolle."

"Hi, Tolle, right?"

Cait Lin and Tolle walked to the door and they talked quietly to eachother so the group wouldn't hear. The others scoot their chairs and the table closer to hear.

"I had a great time. The food was great," Cait Lin smiled.

"Thanks," Tolle said.

"Stop!" Cait Lin said.

"No, I'm telling you, last night was like all my birthdays put together." 

"We'll talk later." she said.

"Goodbye."

"Bye," He kissed Cait Lin softly and left.

"That wasn't a date! What the hell do you do on a real date!" Duo exclaimed.

"Shut up. We didn't even do that. We fell asleep. And do NOT twist those words around, Duo! Now put my table back." Cait Lin said, crossing her arms.

"Okaayyyy." They all said like little kids as they put it back.

"Alright people, I got to get to the library before I get to math class. If I don't organize the returned books... well, it doesn't make much of a difference..." InuYasha said.

"So, like, you guys have jobs?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah, just part-time stuff that you get when you come to school, like the library or serving hot chocolate at the lounge. That's how we buy stuff." Cait Lin said.

"Yeah, I'm an actor." Duo said.

"Wow! Would I see you in anything?" Marissa asked.

"Doubt it. It's mostly school plays. Big stuff, though." Duo winked.

"Oh wait, unless you happened to see the production of Pinnochio at the little theatre in the park." Cait Lin nodded.

"Look, it was a job alright?" Duo said.

"Look, I'm a real boy!" InuYasha mimicked.

"I will not take this harasment." Duo said, walking towards the door and opening it to leave.

"You're right. Sorry," InuYasha said, and started dancing and singing out the door. "'Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy,'"

"You should both know that he's a dead man." Duo walked out the door. "Ohh, InuYasha."

"So, how are you doing? Get much sleep? Talk to Josh? I can't stop smiling." Cait Lin said quickly.

"I can see that. You look like you slept with headgear in your mouth." Marissa answered.

"I know, he's just so... do you remember you and Chris((random name))?" Cait Lin asked.

"Yup,"

"Well, it's like that. With feelings."

"Oh, boy, are you in trouble." Marissa said.

"Big time."

"Hey, you want a jacket? Hardly used." Marissa said.

"Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to class, and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just going to get up and go to class." Cait Lin nodded.

"Oh, look, wish me luck!" Marissa said.

"For what?" asked Cait Lin.

"I'm gonna get one of the job things after class." Marissa said happily. With that, Cait Lin left.

**SCENE 5: Cafeteria(JUST Cait Lin, WORKING)**

"Hey, Cait Lin!"Elyon called

"Hey, welcome back! How was Florida?" Cait Lin asked.

"You made out with some one, didn't you?" Elyon looked at Cait Lin slyly

"How do you do that?" Cait Lin exclaimed.

"So? Who?"

"You know Tolle?"

"Tolle the Soda Pop Guy? Oh yeah, I know Tolle."

"You mean you know Tolle like I know Tolle?"

"Are you kidding? I take credit for Tolle. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two months." Elyon said.

**(Cut)**

Everyone sat at the lounge, except for Marissa. Duo was perched on the side of the sofa. "Of course it was just a line!" He exclaimed.

"Why! Why, why would anyone do that?" Cait Lin said.

"I suppose we're looking for a more sophisticated answer than, 'To almost get into your bed'." said Joe.

"I hate men! I hate men!" Cait Lin grumbled.

"Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe." Irma said.

"Is it me? Is there some beacon I have that only dogs and guys with mental problems can hear?" Cait Lin asked.

"Alright, come here. Give me your feet." Irma said, and massaged them.

"Y'know, I just thought he was nice." Cait Lin said.

"I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!" Duo laughed.

Cait Lin pushed him off the sofa, right as Marissa entered with tons of shopping bags.

"Guess what!" Marissa exclaimed.

"Got a job?" Joe asked.

"You're kidding, right? I have no experience! Tons of seniors laughed me out of the interview!" Marissa said.

"And yet your surprisingly happy." InuYasha shook his head.

"You would be too if you knew that Borders was having a sale for 50 off!" Marissa exclaimed.

"Wow, you know me so well..." InuYasha said sarcastically.

"This is my, 'I don't need a job, I've got awesome manga!' books." Marissa said, taking some books out of a bag.

"How were they paid for?" Cait Lin asked.

"Uh, credit card." Marissa sweatdropped.

"And who pays for that?"

"My... uh.. father..."

**(CUT TO THE GANG AT Cait Lin and Marissa's, SITTING ROUND A TABLE.**

ON THE TABLE ARE Marissa's CREDIT CARDS AND A PAIR OF SCISSORS)

"C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life." said Cait Lin.

"I know that. But I'm 14,I always thought that's what we do." Marissa moaned.

"Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time." said Irma.

"Thank you." Marissa sighed.

"You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this school. I was eight. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windows outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel." Irma Paused.

"The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'..." Joe reminded her.

"You ready?" said Cait Lin.

"I don't think so." Marissa stammered.

"C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,..." Joe started to chant.

"Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... " everyone chanted.

As soon as Marissa cut them all up,they began to cheer.

"Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!" said Cait Lin,swinging an arm around Marissa's shoulders.

**(CUT TO SAME SET. Cait Lin, Marissa, and Joe have just finished watching a movie)**

"Well, that's it." Cait Lin said, starting a conversation.

Marissa looked at Joe. "You gonna crash on the couch?" she asked.

"Nope, I gotta go home sometime." Joe answered.

"You'll be okay?" Cait Lin said.

"Yeah." he said.

"Hey, Cait, look what I just found on the floor," Marissa said, bending over. Cait Lin smiled. "What?"

"That's Tolle's cell phone. Just put it back where you found it. Oh, man. Alright. G'night, everybody." Cait Lin said, but broke the flip phone in half before going to her room.

"Goodnight." Marissa and Joe said at the same time.

"Mmm." Joe said, as they both reached for the last cupcake. "Oh, no-"

"Sorry." Marissa stammered, taking her hand back.

"No, go-"

"No, you have it. Really, I don't want it-"

"Split it?" asked Joe.

"O-okay."

"Okay." Joe split it, and then turned back to Marissa. "You probably didn't know this, but back in junior high... I, um, I had a major crush on you." 

"I knew." Marissa said, eating her cupcake.

"You did! Oh, I always figured you thought I was Cait Lin's geeky older brother." Joe said.

"I did."

"Oh. Listen, do you think - and try not to let my intense vulnerability become a factor here - but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?" Joe said quickly.

"Maybe.." Marissa answered.

"Okay... okay, maybe I will..." he said.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

With that, Marissa left to go to her bedroom, and Cait Lin came out in her pajamas as Joe was leaving. "See ya, Joe.. Wait, wait. What's with you?" she asked.

"I just grabbed a can." Joe said, and left.

**(CLOSING CREDITS)**

CREDITS SCENE: The lounge

"I can't believe what I'm hearing here." said Duo.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing here..." sang Irma.

"What? I-I said you had a-" Cait Lin said

"What I said..."sang Irma again.

"Would you stop?" said Cait lin,looking at Irma

"Oh, was I doing it again?" Irma asked innocently

"Would anybody like more hot chocolate?" Marissa asked.

"Did you make it, or are you just serving it?"Inuyasha asked.

"I'm just serving it." Marissa assured him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of Hot chocolate." said everyone.

"Kids, new dream... I'm in Japan. I'm Akane Tendo-" said Inuyasha

**END **


	2. The One With the Sonogram at the End

**Extra Characters for Episode Two:**  
Marsha - Cornelia (W.I.T.C.H.)  
Carol - Francoise AKA Cyborg 003 (Cyborg 009)  
Mrs. Gellar and Mr. Gellar - Mr. and Mrs. Lesleh (Just random made-up people)  
Susan - Helen (Cyborg 009?)  
Barry - Josh (random dude)  
Robbie - Rin (Inuyasha)  
Jason Greenstein - Lilian Hale (W.I.T.C.H.)  
Dr. Oberman - Dr. Uberwo (random person)  
Mindy - Ukyo (N/A)

**Episode Two:** The One With the Sonogram at the End

**(PRE-INTRO SCENE: THE LOUNGE)  
(all present)**

"What you guys don't understand is, for us, just being together is as important as any part of it." Cait Lin said.

"Yeah, right!" Duo laughed. ". . . You're serious?"

"Oh, yeah!" Irma said.

"Everything you need to know is in the first kiss." Marissa agreed.

"Yeah, I think for us, the first kiss is the opening act, y'know? It's like the previews before the Harry Potter movie," InuYasha said.

"Yeah, it's not like we don't like the previews, but it's that . . . that's not why we bought the ticket." Joe answered.

"The problem is, though, after the movie's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the previews again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake." InuYasha said.

"Yeah, well, here's a little word of advice: Bring back the previews. Otherwise, you're going to find yourself at home, watching that DVD alone." Marissa said.

There was a pause. ". . . Are we still talking about making out?" Duo asked.

**SCENE 1: History auditiorium(Joe and Cornelia are setting up a life-sized Diorama, WHICH INCLUDES SOME MANNEQUINS OF CAVE PEOPLE)**

"No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?" Joe said.

"Well, she, like, has issues."said Cornelia

"Does she."

"He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!

"Cornelia, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?"

"Speaking of issues, isn't that ,like, your ex-girlfriend?" Cornelia pointed behind them

"No. No." Joe moaned,trying to ignore her.

"Yes, it is.Francoise! Hi!" Cornelia called.

"Okay, okay, yes, it is. How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age." Joe said,waving.

"Hi."

"So." Francoise mumbled.

"You look great. I, uh... I hate that."

"Sorry. You look good too."

"Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh..."Joe trailed off.

"A lesbian?"

"Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?"

"Jean Paul's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-"

"Why- why are you here,Francoise?"

"I'm pregnant."Francoise admitted,embarassed.

"Pregnant!" Joe exclaimed.

**(CUT TO Cait Lin AND Marissa's DORM, WHERE InuYasha, Duo, Irma, AND Cait Lin ARE WATCHING 'Gilligan's Island')**

"Oh, I think this is the episode of Gilligan's Island where there is some sort of misunderstanding." said InuYasha.

Irma paused. ". . . Then I've already seen this one!" she said, getting up and turning off the TV.

Cait Lin took a pop bottle from Duo. "Are you done with that?" she asked.

"Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down." answered Duo.

"Who's little ball of paper is this!" Cait Lin exclaimed.

"Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, but then I realized I didn't need it, so I balled it up . . ." InuYasha trailed off as he noticed Cait Lin's expression. ". . . And now I wish I were dead." Cait Lin started to fluff a pillow as he finished his sentence.

"Hm . . . she's already fluffed that pillow! Cait Lin, you know, you've already fluffed that--" Irma paused, as Cait Lin shot her a annoyed look, and it didn't help that she had orange highlight streaks in her hair. "It's fine though!"

"Look, I'm sorry, guys, but I don't want to give them any more ammunition then they already have," Cait Lin said.

"Yes, and we all know how cruel they can be at the flatness of a child's pillow." InuYasha said sarcastically.

"Cait Lin. Um, hey, you're scaring me! I mean, you're like, all chaotic and twirly. And n-not in a good way." said Irma.

"Yeah, calm down. You don't see Joe getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come." Duo agreed.

Cait Lin sighed, "That's because, as far as my parents are concerned, Joe can do no wrong. Y'see, he's like the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born."

InuYasha looked out the window. "Oh oh oh!"

"What?" Cait Lin asked.

"Ugly Naked Guy got a misuse((that's someone who massages for a living, right?))!"

Everyone looked out the window. "Woah." they all said in harmony.

Just then, Marissa came out of her bedroom. "Has anyone seen my commitment bracelet?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's so beautiful!" Irma answered.

"Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no." Marissa mumbled as she looked under all the cushions.

"No, don't touch that!" Irma exclaimed.

"Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him . . . 'Hi Josh, remember me? I'm the girl in the jacket who stomped on your heart in front of your family!' Oh man, and now I'm going to have to return the bracelet, without the bracelet, which makes it so much harder . . ." Marissa ranted.

"Easy, Mars, we'll find it," Irma turned to everyone. "Won't we?"

"Oh! Definitely!" Duo and InuYasha said together.

"Alright, when did ya have it on last?" asked Duo.

"Duh! Probably right before she lost it!" Irma said, shaking her head.

"You don't get a lot of 'duh' these days . . ." InuYasha sighed.

"I know I had it this morning, I had it when I was in the kitchen with . . ."

"Dinah?" InuYasha asked.

Marissa looked at the 2-layer cake and realized something. "Oh, don't be mad . . ."

"You didn't." Cait Lin said.

"I am so sorry . . ."

"I gave you one job!" Cait Lin exclaimed as she looked at the cake through the glass.

"Oh, but look how smooth the icing is!" Marissa said, trying to be optomistic.

"Now, Cait Lin, you know that's not how you look for a commitment bracelet in a cake." InuYasha said.

"I just . . . can't do it." said Cait Lin, putting down the cake.

"Boys? We're going in." InuYasha said, rolling up his sleeves. Him, Duo, and Irma started to pick through the cake without completely messing it up. Suddenly there was a knock at the door; it was Joe.

". . . Hi." he said.

"Wow, that is not a cheerful hi." Cait Lin said.

"Francoise is pregnant." He said with no tone.

While everyone else is stunned, Irma pulled out a silver bracelet. "I found it!" she exclaimed.

"W-w-wha, w-w-what?" Cait Lin stuttered with amazement.

"Yeah, do that for another 2 hours, and you might be where I am right now," Joe said, walking in.

"Kinda puts the whole pillow thing into perspective, doesn't it, Cait?" InuYasha asked.

"Well now, h-how do you fit into this whole thing?" Marissa asked.

"Well, Francoise say she and Helen want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be . . . Basically, it's entirely up to me."

"She's so great! I miss her." said Irma, shaking her head.

"What does she mean by 'involved'?" asked Cait Lin.

"I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done," InuYasha said. "Although, it's still hard to believe . . ."

"Anyway, they want to me to go down to this-this sonogram thing with them tomorrow."

"So, what are you going to do?" asked Marissa.

"I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still going to be a father." sighed Joe.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of Duo eating the cake. They all turned around to stare at him accusingly. ". . . Well, this is still ruined, right?" he said innocently.

**(SCENE 2: Cait Lin and Marissa's)**

Cait Lin and Joe are pouring soda for their parents.

"Oh, Nodaka Saotome's daughter is gonna call you." Their mother said,tasting a snack. "Mmm! What's that curry taste?"

"Curry." Cait Lin mumbled.

"Mmmm!"

"I- I think they're great! I, I really do." stuttered Joe,not thinking it was great at all.

"Do you remember the Saotomes? The tall one had a thing for you, didn't she?" asked their father.

"They all had a thing for him." his wife said.

"Aw, Mom..." Joe moaned,remembering these Saotome girls.

"I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?" asked Cait Lin.

"Oh, she just graduated from middle school, and she wants to be in cooking, or food, or... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you owned a makeshift restauraunt."

"No Mom, I don't have a makeshift restaurant, I work in a cafeteria."

"Well, they don't have to know that... " Mrs. Lesleh mumbled,beginning to fluff the pillows.

"Joe could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?" asked Cait Lin,ushering her brother into the kitchen-nook thing.

"Yeah."

"Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's... easy." Mrs. Lesleh bit her lip.

"I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me." Cait Lin said.

Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.

"What Marissa did to her life . . . we ran into her parents at the club. They were not doing very well." Mrs. Lesleh said.

"I'm not going to tell you what they spent making plans on their future . . . but 20,000 dollars is a lot of money!" Mr. Lesleh said.

"Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man . . ." Mrs. Lesleh trailed off.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cait Lin asked, defensingly.

"Nothing! It's an expression!" Her mother said quickly.

"No, it's not." Cait Lin grumbled.

"Don't listen to your mother," Mr. Lesleh said. "You're independent, and you always will be. Even when you were a little kid . . . and you were sort of geeky, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles . . ."

**(CUT TO SAME SCENE)**

"Look, there are people like Joe who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where  
they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never  
get cancer." said Mr. Lesleh.

**Time Lapse.**

". . . And I read about these women who are trying to have it all, and I'm just glad 'Our Little Caiti' doesn't seem to have that problem." Mr. Lesleh said.

"So Joe, what's going on with you? Any stories?" Cait Lin said, trying desperately to change the subject. She dug her elbow into his hand. "Any news? Any little anecdotes?"

Joe pulled his hand away. "Okay! Okay!" He turned to his parents. "Look, uh, I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between me and Francoise, and so, well, here's the deal. Francoise is a lesbian. She is living with another girl named Helen. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Helen are going to raise the baby."

There was a stunned silence, as Cait Lin expected her parents to blow up, since Joe was only 16. But instead, Mr. Lesleh turned to Cait Lin. "And you knew about this!" he exclaimed to her.

**(AD BREAK)**

**SCENE 3: the lounge (everyone's there)**

"Your folks are really that bad, huh?" Duo drawled.

"Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done." sighed Joe.

"Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could I'd want yours." said Cait Lin.

"Must pee." said her brother,getting up.

"Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins." said Irma.

"You're twins?" asked Marissa.

"Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven brainiac." said Irma

"What does she do?" asked Inuyasha.

"She's a waitress." said Irma

"All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. " Marissa said.

Everyone got up to leave.

"Inuyasha, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this." Cait Lin said.

"Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who...my parents actually preferred." Inuyasha groaned.

"The lights, please.. " Marissa said as Duo turned off the lights and she began to sweep.

" ...How long was I in there?" Joe asked,returning from the toilet.

"I'm just cleaning up." Marissa whispered.

"D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?"

"Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks!" Marissa handed him the broom and sat down.

"Anyway.. um.. So, you- uh- you nervous about Josh tomorrow?" Joe began to sweep.

"Oh.. a little"

"Mm-hmm.."

"A lot."

"Mm."

"So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?"Marissa asked.

"Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey, I'll go down there, and I'll give Josh back his bracelet, and you can go with Francoise and Helen to the OB/GYN..." Joe trailed off with a sigh.

"Oh, you've got Francoise tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?"

"Got me."

"Remember when we were in elementary school together?"

"Yeah."

"I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet someone, fall in love- and that'd be it? ..Joe?" Marissa admitted.

"Yes, yes!"

"Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.." Marissa leaned onto his hand with a sigh.

"Me either..." Joe mumbled,pulling up a stool and sitting down so he doesn't have to move his hand.

**Scene 4: Francoise's OB/GYN, Francoise is waiting.**

Joe entered the room, breathing heavily from walking fast. "Sorry I'm late. I was stuck at class. This big dinosaur . . . thing . . . anyway."

When he was finished, Helen walked in holding a drink. "Hi," she said.

"Joe, you remember Helen." Francoise said.

"How could I forget?" Joe said with a sigh.

"Joe." said Helen flatly.

Joe and her shook hands. "Helen," he said, and then turned to Francoise. "Good shake, good shake. So, uh, who exactly are we waiting for . . .?"

"Dr. Uberwo." Francoise answered.

". . . Dr. Uberwo. And is he--"

"She." Francoise corrected.

"She. Of course, she, uh, familiar with our current situation?" Joe asked.

"Yep, and she's very supportive." Francoise said, sounding older than she was.

"Okay, that's great," Joe said, and saw Helen holding out a cup of water. "No, I'm--" he saw her give the drink to Francoise. "Oh."

"Thanks," Francoise said.

Joe looked around a little and saw a surgical instrument of some sort. He picked up and started miming a duck, "Quack Quack."

"Joe?" Francoise said. "That opens my--" she was cut off by a squeak of horror from Joe as he dropped it.

Scene Josh's office

"Josh?"Marissa said,opening the door to his counselling office.

"C'mon in."said Josh,motioning her in.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Rin's gonna be here for hours."

"Huh!"said the little girl on the couch

"So, how ya doin'?"

"I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!" Marissa stuttered

"Yeah, well.."

"Mr. McGallahan, Lillian Hale's crying."said his assistant,over the intercom.

" Be right there. Be back in a sec."

Rin began to stare at Marissa as Josh left.

"I dumped him." Marissa said.

"Okay."Rin whispered.

**Scene: Francoise's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.**

"So, um, how's this going to work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made." Joe said.

"Hm, give me a 'for instance'." Francoise said.

"Well, uh, hm, I don't know. Like, uh, um, the baby's name?" Joe said.

"Marion-" Francoise said.

"Marion!"

"If it's a boy, Marion. If it's a girl, Daisy."

Joe paused. ". . . As in Duck?"

"As in my Grandmother." Francoise corrected.

"Still, you say Daisy, you hear Duck. What about, um, Abby?" Joe asked.

"Abby . . . " said Francoise, thinking about it.

"We agreed on Daisy." Helen interupted.

"It's funny, really. We agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Abby's on the table. . .?"

Scene: Barry's office

"Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?" said Josh,entering the room

"Oh, not much. I-I got a job."Marissa said.

"Oh, that's great."

Why are- why are you so...big?" Marissa asked,looking at Josh's waistline.

"Oh, I, uh- I went to that dinner we were gonna have."

"Oh no. You went to our dinner alone?"

"No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.

"Me!" Rin exclaimed.

"No! I went with Ukyo.

"Ukyo! My best friend, Ukyo!"

"Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now."

"Oh! Well, um.. You've got plugs!" Marissa cried,grabbing his forehead.

"Careful! They haven't quite taken yet."

"And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!"

"Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you."

"Okay.."

"See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm a junior counselor."

"Wow."

"You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Ukyo , now I'm happy. Spit."

"What?"

"Me." Rin spat out her gum.

"Anyway, um, I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me."Marissa fished the bracelet out of her pocket.

"Well, thank you for giving it back."

"Hello!"Rinn yelled as Marissa and Josh gazed at eachother.

**Scene: Francoise's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.**

"Oh, please!" Helen exclaimed. "What's wrong with Susan?"

"Susan Lesleh?" said Joe. "I don't think so."

"Hello?" Francoise sighed. "It's not gonna be Susan Lesleh."

"Thank you!" said Joe greatfully.

"No, I mean it's not Lesleh." Francoise said.

Joe stared. "What, it's gonna be Susan Arnoul?" he asked.

Francoise paused. "No, actually, um, we talked about Susan Arnoul-Twilight."

"Wait a minute! Why is SHE going to be in the title?" Joe exclaimed, pointing to Helen.

"It's my baby, too." Helen said calmly.

"Oh, it's funny really. I don't remember you making any sperm." Joe shot back.

"Yeah, and that's such a challenge!" Helen answered sarcastically.

"Alright you two, stop it!" Francoise yelled, causing them both to shut up.

"No no no, she gets credit, I want to be in there too." Joe said stubbornly as he crossed his arms.

"Joe," said Francoise. "You're not actually thinking of Susan Aurnol-Twilight-Lesleh? Because I think that borders child abuse."

"Of course not. I'm suggesting Lesleh-Aurnol-Twilight . . ." Joe trailed off.

"Oh, no no no no no no no." Helen exclaimed. "You see what he's doing? He knows no one will want to say all those names, so they'll just wind up saying Lesleh, so he gets his way!"

"My way! How could this possibly be my way! How could where we are right now EVER be how I wanted my way to be! You know what I can't do this. I'll just--"

"Knock knock," Dr. Uberwo said, entering. "How are we today? A little nausea?"

"Yeah. Yeah, a little." everyone answered.

"Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be... but, thanks for sharing." she turned to Francoise. "Lie back."

"Uh, y'know what. I think I'm going to go. I don't think I can be part of this particular thing right now." said Joe. He turned to go, but the sonogram screen stopped him and he turned to see it. "Oh my god."

"Look at that." Helen said.

"I know." Francoise answered.

**Scene: Cait Lin and Marissa's Dorm**

"Well? Isn't that amazing?" sighed Joe.

"What are we supposed to be seeing here?" asked Duo.

"I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise." said Inuyasha,cluelessly.

"You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato." said Irma,doing as she instructed.

"Then don't do that, alright?" Joe snapped.

"Okay!"

Joe walked over to his sister. "Whaddya think?"

"Mm-hmm." Cait Lin began to well up.

"Wh- are you welling up?"

"No."Cait Lin said shakily.

"You are, you're welling up."

"Am not!"

"You're gonna be an aunt."

"Oh shut up!" Cait Lin pushed him and began to cry.

"Hi,Ukyo. Hi, it-it's Marissa. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Josh today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Ukyo, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now." Marissa said,slamming the phone down.

_**END**_


	3. The One With the Thumb

**Author's Notes:** Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted a chapter! Hmm, anyway, we're currently working on the seventh chapter right now, but for now I'll give you the third chapter. n.n Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Marissa and I own NOTHING except for our characters, Cait Lin and Marissa.

**Extra Characters for Episode Three:**

Paula - Elyon (W.I.T.C.H.)

Alan - Kira (Gundam SEED)

Lizzie - Bess (N/A)

**Episode Three:** The One With The Thumb

**(Pre-Scene: The Lounge, everyone but Irma is there.)**

Irma walked in, waving to everyone. "Hi guys." she said.

"Hi! Hey Irmsi!" everyone said.

"Hey, oh, how'd it go?" Joe asked.

"Um, not so good. He walked me to the bus stop and said, 'We should do this again!'" Irma sighed.

"Ooh. Ouch." they all said.

"What?" Marissa asked. "He said, 'We should do it again'. That's good right?"

"Uh, not quite." Cait Lin answered. "Loosely translated: 'We should do it again' means 'You will never touch these lips.'"

Marissa looked puzzled. "Since when?"

"Since always," Duo answered. "It's like dating language. Like, 'it's not you' is 'It is you'."

"Or, 'You're such a nice guy' is 'I'm going to be dating a badboy with leather.'" InuYasha nodded.

"Or, or, y'know um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha ha, I already am.'" Irma nodded.

"And everbody knows this?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah, cushions the blow." Duo nodded.

"Yeah, like when you were little, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they say he went to go live at a farm." InuYasha said.

"That's funny, because, um." Joe paused. "Well, uh, our parents did send our dog away to live on a farm."

"Uh, Joe." Cait Lin rubbed her yellow-highlighted hair.

"What? Wh-hello? The Bunner's farm in Wisconsin? The bunner's farm was unbelievable, they had sheep, and bunnies that hopped around and . . . Oh my gosh, Indigo!"

**(Scene: Inuyasha and Duo's)**

"So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?" asked Inuyasha

"Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die." Duo acted.

"Hey, that was really good!" Inuyasha cheered

"Thanks! Let's keep going."

"Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?""

"I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke."

"Smoke away."

Duo took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and coughs.

"I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone."

"What?"

"Relax your hand!"

Duo let his wrist go limp.

"Not so much!"

"Whoah!"

"Hey!"

"Hey!"

"Alright, now try taking a puff." Inuyasha instructed.

Duo tried and visibly winced.

"Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me."

"No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette."

"It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here."

Duo reluctantly gived him the cigarette.

"Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete."

"Y'miss it?"

"Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke." Inuyasha took a puff."Oh.. my.. God."

**(Scene 2: The Lounge, everyone but Irma and Marissa are there.)**

"No, no, no. They say it's the tip of a guys thumb to the tip of his index finger," Cait Lin said.

All the guys did that and shook their heads. "That's ridiculous." Duo said.

"Can I use . . . either thumb?" Joe asked.

Just then, Marissa came out from behind the counter carrying a tray of drinks. "Alright, don't tell, don't tell me!" she looked at the cups and then started to hand them out as she talked. "Hot chocolate with extra whipped cream, hot chocolate with low chocolate for Duo, and a iced tea . . . I'm getting pretty good at this!" she smiled happily.

"Yes," they all answered. "Excellent. Very good."

As Marissa left to serve other people, she said, "Good for me!"

When she was gone, they all swapped their drinks to get what they wanted, as Irma entered without saying hi. "You okay, Irma?" Duo asked.

"Yeah-no, it's just. Ugh, it's the school bank account." Irma sighed, blowing a curly strand of brown hair from her face.

"What did they do to you?" Cait Lin asked, concerned.

"It's nothing-it's just, okay, I'm going through my school mail box," Irma started. "and I find their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-"

"Easy." Joe commented.

"-and there's 500 extra dollars in my account."

"Holy crap, Satan's minions at work again. . ." InuYasha trailed off.

"Yeah, 'cause now I have to go down there and deal with them." she sighed.

"What's the matter? Keep the money!" Duo exclaimed.

"It's not mine, I didn't earn it. If I kept it, it would be like stealing." Irma said.

"Yes, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!" Marissa added in, nodding.

"Okay, okay. Let's say I bought a really great pair of jeans. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine, not-mine, not-mine. And even if I was happy, and-and on my cheery way, 'Not-mine, not-mine, not-not-not-mine."

"We're with you." Cait Lin said. "We got it."

"Yeah, but, I'd never be able to enjoy it. It'd be like this big karmic debt." Irma nodded.

Marissa suddenly turned to InuYasha. "InuYasha, what are you doing?" she asked.

"Oh! Oh my gosh!" everyone started to yell.

"What is this! In a school lounge!" Joe exclaimed.

"I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking." InuYasha grumbled.

"Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good! For 6 months!" Irma exclaimed.

"And this-is my reward!" InuYasha nodded.

"Hold on a second, alright? Just think what you went through the last time you quit," Joe said. "Besides, we're in school SURVEILANCE."

"Okay, so this time I won't quit! Besides, there are tons of kids smoking." InuYasha coughed.

"Ooh, put it out!" everyone yelled.

"Alright!" InuYasha said. "I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out." As he said this, he dropped it in Irma's hot chocolate.

"Oh no! I can't drink this now!" Irma groaned.

"Alright guys, I've got to go change. I'm going on a date." Cait Lin said, getting up and grabbing her backpack.

"This Kira guy again? How is it goin'?" Marissa asked.

"It's pretty good, y'know? It's great, and, we're having fun."

"So when do we get to meet the guy?" Duo asked.

"Hm, let's see . . . today's Monday, so, never." Cait Lin answered.

"Oh come on!" they all exclaimed.

"No. Not after what happened with Marco."

"What are you talking about? We loved M-m-m-marco! He was h-h-hott!" InuYasha chanted. ". . . Sorry."

"Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet! Just give me a chance to figure it out."

"So, do we get to me him?"

"Nope. S-s-sorry."

**(Scene:Cafeteria)**

"I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd."said Cait Lin with a sigh.

"Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you." said Elyon.

"I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked."

"Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy.."

**(Scene 4: Cait Lin and Marissa's, InuYasha is smoking on the balcony, Irma is absent.)**

"Let it go, Joe." said Duo.

"Yeah, well, you didn't know Indigo." Joe answered, sighing dismally.

"Do you all promise?" Cait Lin asked.

"Yeah!" everyone exclaimed. "We promise! We'll be good!"

"InuYasha, do you promise!" Cait Lin yelled at the balcony.

InuYasha made a 'cross my heart' sign as it started to rain. He tapped on the window hurriedly for someone to let him in.

"You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!" Duo said, authority-like.

InuYasha made a face and picked up a garbage can lid to use it as a umbrella. Suddenly Irma walked in, sat down on the couch, and began to read a letter without saying hi.

"Hey, Irmsi." Joe said.

"'Dear Miss Lair," Irma started. "Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and we hope you'll accept this--" she paused and looked through her backpack for the gift, "_football phone_ as our free gift.' Do you believe this! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!"

"What bank is this?" Marissa asked. Right when she said this, the intercom buzzed.

"Hey, it's him," Cait Lin said, then said into the intercom, "Who is this?"

"It's Kira," Kira said over the intercom.

Duo turned to InuYasha who was still on the balcony and yelled, "InuYasha! He's here!"

InuYasha then came in, dripping wet, leaving puddles on the floor. Cait Lin turned to everyone, and said in a pleading tone, "Please be good, _please_. Just remember how much you all like me." With that, she opened the door to let Kira in. "Hi, Kira, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Kira."

"Hi," Kira said.

"Hi, Kira."

"I've heard so much about you guys." Kira said, smiling. Everyone laughed quietly.

**(Time lapse, Kira is leaving.)**

"Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow."Cait Lin said as Kira left. "Okay. Okay, let's let the Kira-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?"

Everyone was very silent.

"C'mon!" Cait Lin urged.

"...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him." Joe admitted.

"Loved him! Yeah! He's great!" Everyone cheered

"Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?" Cait Lin looked surprised.

"Yeah!"

"And did you notice...?" Marissa said as she spread her thumb and index finger.

"Yeah." all the guys said reluctantly.

"Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked." said Duo with a smile.

"Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!" Irma laughed

"...What shoe?" asked Joe.

"From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'"

Everyone paused dubiously.

"...So I think Kira will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured."Joe nodded.

"What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it." Marissa said.

"Really!" Cait Lin said in disbelief

"Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right?"Inuyasha said,doing the impression.

"You know what I like most about him, though?" said Joe.

"What?" Everyone asked

"The way he makes me feel about myself."

"Yeah..."

**(Scene 6: The Lounge, Cait Lin is alone as Joe, Marissa, InuYasha, and Duo enter in softball gear.)**

"Hey, how was the game?" Cait Lin asked.

"Well . . ." Joe started, looking uncertain.

"We won!" all of them broke out. "Thank you! Yes!"

"Fantastic!" Cait Lin exclaimed. "But one question: how is that possible?"

"Kira." Duo nodded.

"It was unbelievable, really. It was like that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs was playing all the parts right. But this time it was Kira, first base- Kira, second base - Kira. . ." Joe trailed off.

"I mean, i-it was like he made us into a team." Marissa put in.

"Yup, we sure showed those geeks a thing or two about softball. . ." InuYasha trailed off.

"Can I ask you guys a question?" Cait Lin asked, carefully twirling a strand of her dark hair. "D'you ever think maybe, sometimes, Kira is. . ."

"What?" Joe asked.

Cait Lin was silent for a while. "I dunno . . . a little too Kira?"

"Well, no." Marissa thought a while. "That's impossible. You can never be too Kira."

"Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Kira-ness that-that-that we adore." Joe said.

"I personally could have a gallon of Kira." InuYasha nodded.

**(Scene: A street)**

"Hey, Bess." greeted Irma.

"Hey, Weird Girl." said Bess,the worst student in school.

"I brought you alphabet soup."

"Did you pick out the vowels?" Bess asked.

"Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you." Irma began to search through her backpack.

"Saltines?"

"No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?" Irma offered,handing Bess an envelope.

"What?"asked Bess as she opened the envelope. "Oh my God, there's really money in here."

"I know."

"Weird Girl, what are you doing?"

"No, I want you to have it. I don't want it."

"No, no, I ha-I have to give you something."

"Oh, that's fine, no."

"Would you like my tin-foil chains?"

"No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks."

"Please, let me do something."

"Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?" Irma smiled goofily.

"Okay."

"Okay."

**(Scene: InuYasha's dorm room.)**

InuYasha looked around, opened his desk drawer, took a puff of the cigarette he had, sprayed around some air freshener, and sprayed some binaca breath spray in his mouth. He then typed for a while, opened the drawer again, and took another drag of the cigarette. But he wasn't paying attention, so he sprayed some binaca around the room, sprayed some air freshener in his mouth, and gagged.

**(Scene: A Street, Irma and Bess are at a hot dog vendor.)**

"Keep the change." Bess said to the vendor. "Sure you don't wanna pretzel?"

"No, I'm fine." Irma said

"See ya."mumbled Bess.

"Huh!" Irma cried as she opened the can.

**(Scene: The Lounge, Irma is telling everyone about her discovery.)**

"A _thumb_?" Joe asked, disgusted.

Irma nodded. "Eww!" they all said, disgusted.

"I know!" Irma exclaimed. "I know, I opened it up, and there it was just floating there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!"

"Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know?" InuYasha said. "Like collect-all-5."

"Does, um, anyone wanna see?" Irma asked.

"Nooo!" Everyone said, jumping forward from their seats to stop her. While doing this, InuYasha lit a cigarette.

"Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!" Everyone yelled at the hanyou.

"It's worse than the thumb!" Marissa groaned.

"Hey, this is so unfair!" InuYasha whined.

Cait Lin blinked. "How is it "unfair"!"

"So I have a flaw! Big deal!" InuYasha exclaimed. "Like Duo's constant hair-whipping isn't annoying? And Joe, with his over-pronouncing every word? And Cait Lin, with the high hiccup she always does when she laughs! I mean, what the heck is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?"

There was an awkward silence, until Duo said, "...Does the hair-whipping bother everybody?" 

"Well, I-I could live without it." Joe nodded awkwardly.

"Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Irma twirls her hair?" At this, Irma untwirled the hair that was wound around her index finger.

"Oh, now, don't listen to him, Irmi, it's endearing." Joe said.

"Oh," Duo paused, and then started imitating Joe, "You do, do you?" Cait Lin started laughing and did the high hiccup.

"You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly." Joe grumbled.

""Indeed there isn't,"" Marissa mimicked, "...I should really get back to work."

"Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered." Irma laughed.

"Ooh-oh-oooohhhh, the hair comes out and the gloves come on." Marissa said, pointing her finger. After this, they all started to degenerate into bickering and InuYasha happily started to smoke behind his hand, undisturbed.

**(Scene: Cafetria,Elyon and Cait Lin are working.)**

"Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?" asked Cait Lin.

"No." mumbled Elyon

"Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like."

" Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!"

"Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing."

"Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Cait, dump him!"

"I know.. it's gonna be really hard."

"Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it."

"No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about."

**(Scene: The Lounge, Duo and Joe are persecuting InuYasha about his smoking.)**

"Do you have any respect for your body?" Duo asked.

"Don't you realize what you're-you're doing to yourself?" Joe agreed.

"Hey, y'know, I've had enough of you and your cancer and emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it." InuYasha smirked.

"InuYasha?" Marissa said, holding out the phone. "It's Kira, he wants to speak with you."

"Really? He does?" InuYasha asked, then took the phone. "Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks!" He handed the phone back and stubbed the cigarette out in the flower pot until it was covered with dirt, wrapped it in a tissue, and threw it in the garbage so a teacher wouldn't find it.

"Gosh, Kira's good," Marissa said to Joe, who had wandered up to her.

"If only he were a woman," Joe said.

"Yeah." Marissa agreed. She paused, and they gave eachother a dubious look.

**(Scene: Cait Lin and Marissa's, everyone except Cait Lin and Duo is watching Lambchop.)**

"Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."said Inuyasha

"Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch." sighed Joe,doing so.

"Hey. Where's Duo?"asked Cait Lin as she entered the dorm.

"Duo ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?" snapped Inuyasha.

"I think he's across the hall." suggested Marissa

"Thanks." Cait Lin went to fetch him.

"There y'go." said Joe,finishing the change of Nicotine.

"Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."Inuyasha said in a deadpan voice.

"Hey Irma, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Irma?"

"Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?" asked Irma.

"Hey, I might!"

"Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb."

"You're kidding. Oh my God." everyone objected.

"And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe!"

"What's going on?" asked Duo,dressed in only a towel and dragged in by Cait lin.

"Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together." Cait Lin said.

"Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear.." pouted Duo.

"Uh, Duo..." Marissa mumbled,a slight blush on her face.

"Oh, God!" Duo exclaimed as he hurriedly closed his legs.

"Okay.." Cait lin said,turning off the tv.

"Aw! That was Lambchop!" everyone cried.

"Please, guys, we have to talk."

"Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not."said Irma.

"Alright, we have to talk." Cait lin sweatdropped.

"There it is!"

"Okay. It's-it's about Kira. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Kira."

Everyone gasped and clutched eachother.

"Is there somebody else?"asked Joe.

"No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change."

"We didn't change.." Marissa cried.

"So that's it? It's over? Just like that?" asked Duo.

"You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I-"Irma began to twirled her hair.

"Look, I- I could go on pretending-" Cait Lin said.

"Okay!" Duo cheered.

"-but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Kira-it wouldn't be fair to you!"

" Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were." Joe sighed.

"I'm sorry.."

"Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!" said Inuyasha,sarcastically.

"I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-" Marissa said tearfully.

"I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Kiras." comforted Cait Lin.

"Oh, yeah! Right!" the group moaned.

"Are you guys gonna be okay?"

" Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time." sighed Joe.

"I understand." Cait Lin said dubiously.

(Scene: A resteraunt, Cait Lin is breaking the news to Kira.)

"Wow," Kira said after Cait Lin was done explaining.

"I'm, I'm really sorry." Cait Lin mumbled, casting her blue/green/grey eyes downward.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." Kira agreed. "But, I gotta tell you, I'm a little relieved."

"Relieved?" Cait Lin asked.

"Yeah, well, I had a great time with you . . . I just can't stand your friends." admitted Kira.

**Closing Credits**

(Marissa and Cait lin's, everyone is moping around and eating ice cream.)

"Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun." Marissa sighed,taking a bite of Chocolate Chip.

"Yeah. He could row like a viking."sighed Joe.

"Hi."said Cait Lin.

"Mmm." groaned everyone else.

"So how'd it go?" asked Joe.

"Oh, y'know.."

"Did he mention us?" asked Irma.

"He said he's really gonna miss you guys." Cait Lin gave them a dubious look.

"You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere." said Joe as she sat down. He began to stroke her forehead.

"...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes." said Inuyasha.

"No no no!" all the group yelled.

"I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!" called Inuyasha as he began to leave.

"If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars!" shouted Irma.

"Yeah, alright." said Inuyasha walking back.  
**  
End **

**Author's Notes:** And there you go! I don't know when the fourth chapter will be up, maybe tomorrow, maybe weeks from now. Depends when I have the time to edit the chapter to post. Well, see all of you later! n.n


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